Monday, October 13, 2014

First things first

Today begins a journey I never thought would happen.

I emailed my brother my husband's HD report.  Doesn't seem like that big of a step, but believe me, it is.  I dragged my feet do even do this first step because I knew I was opening up a can of, well hopefully, a lot of eggs.  This sets in motion a giant step for our family-to-be.

Let me back up.

Huntington's Disease is nothing to mess with.  Its an ugly, if not the ugliest disease known to man.  It rears its ugly face sometimes very early in life, but more often, not until a person with HD is around 50/60ish.  By this time, there could be children and now grandchildren that will have it in their lives, either directly or indirectly.  This disease doesn't care how many kids you have.  Each child with a parent with HD has a 50/50 chance of also carrying the nasty gene.

For my husband, each sibling in his family has HD.  Thats 4/4.  Not good.  And every one of them has children that could now have it as well.  I cannot judge, because I was in the same boat.  Do we have kids knowing that we're possibly giving them this, or do we go around HD and create life knowing we are not possibly handing it down?  For a while, I will say I was in a "lets just have kids" phase.  Its so easy!  You have sex and 9 months later, you have a beautiful baby that will take your mind off of HD.  Except that each time I had the thought of, "I'm just going to try and get pregnant naturally because I love Rodney so much, I just want to have HIS babies"  the next thought was, "Shit.  What if.  How freakin selfish of you Blake."  And then a hot feeling of guilt washed over me, and I realized that I cannot do it.  Wait.  I CAN do it.  I can have children other ways, so that I don't pass HD on.  HD has to stop.  The only way for HD to stop right now, today, is for people to stop having babies naturally if they possess the HD gene.  There's no other way.  There's no cure.

And I'm going to have to explain this horrible disease to my kids no matter what.  They will already have it negatively affecting their lives.  (i like how I'm typing they, as if I already know I'm going to have more than one child)  But one conversation I will not have to have with them is this one: "Sweetie, love of my universe?  You will one day need to get tested, and hopefully before you have children, because your daddy has HD and its possible you do too."

Ok.  Now I'm ready to move on with this entry.  I'm sure you're wondering what my brother has to do with all of this.

He lives in Las Vegas with his wife and their child, soon to be children.  They are both architects and have a very close friend who happens to be a fertility doc.  How crazy is that?  

Fingers crossed, by the time 2015 is over with, I will be a mom.

So I had to send in all the paperwork regarding Rodney's diagnosis to him to give to the Dr.

And now it begins.  Its officially set in motion.  There's no going back.  As Lloyd Christmas would say, "We're really doin it Harr"

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